The Ranking

He hated these two words - 'top three'. That's all. He hated the fact that in every competition, in any rankings or even in stupid silly games, people will always look for the 'top three'. Yep, sure.. the champion is important but why must there be only two runner-ups? How about three runner-ups? Or four? Or five?

'Stop it! It's just a silly ranking for goodness sake!' His mind is practically screaming to him right now. He just hated the fact that he was always and would always NOT be the top 3 in any ranking, ever. The top 3 vocalists? KRY practically covered that part. The top 3 dancers? Even with the Chinese Prince gone, he still did not manage to snag even the third spot. The top 3 MCs? Really? With his turbo-tongue leader and his two proteges non-stop bantering, complete with neat retorts.. well,he might as well be born mute for all he care.

The worse part was the fact that he hated losing. He hated the feeling of being a nobody instead of being a remarkable 'somebody'. He hated the way he tortured his mind and his body of countless extra practices, just to be as good as some people who plays games or cooks or watches videos during their free time.  He hated all the variety shows that he had to do, especially when some of the MCs still made mistakes when they called his name. It was a good thing that they did apologize and he accepted it with a smile but sometimes he wished that they would make mistakes calling the other members' names too, not his name all the time. He really felt that it was an insult, especially when his group members and him had just celebrated their fifth year of debut together.

When he started training a few years ago, he promised his parents that he would be the best so that they would be proud of him. Well, easier said than done... It has been more than 5 years now and where is his so-called achievements? A big fat zero...

"I don't understand why you must think that everything is like a competition.  Is being the top 3 that important to you?" 

"Of course it does matter to me! I know you would not understand because you are always at the top! With your superb voice, everything is easy for you!"

"Nothing is easy for me, or anyone else for that matters... you of all people should know that everything comes with a price. In order to gain something we must sacrifice other things as well. You taught me that and now you want to play the sympathy card?"

"Maybe I'm just tired... maybe I don't know where my spot is right now or maybe I just don't care anymore. I'm and will always be mediocre, yes not great.. just plainly good but never great..." 

That made the younger looked away from his PSP and that was something worth mentioning since he would never, ever put down his PSP even if the world was ending.

"You have always been great and everyone around you knows that. Your concentration and full commitment in doing something amazes people. Your unique ability to learn something new in just a short time and making sure that everything is perfect is simply remarkable..."

"But... "

"It's just sad, you know,  that you view all your personal achievements by comparing yourself to others on things that you know there will be someone else who is better in it than you do. It's just so frustrating that you would purposely choose to challenge and to rank your own so-called 'pathetic' life on things that you KNOW some people are just BORN with..."

"You don't understand.."

"I may be younger than you but I understand, all right. I understand that everyone is special. You are special. You family knows how special you are. Your friends obviously  love you for YOU.  How do you rank these special people who are equally important in your life? You couldn't, right?"

Those painful words pierced right through his stubborn heart, which was actually, extremely fragile on the inside and that fragile heart ultimately crumbled when guilt seeped in with  his best friend's emotional epiphany.

"I don't know about you but what I know for sure is that if I really love someone wholeheartedly, if that person is that special to ME, that person will always be on the top spot, the highest rank in my heart, far beyond any categories imaginable...."




This story is written based on someone I really love and admire, just because looking at him trying so hard in everything he does sometimes breaks my fragile heart.... :(